WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
