I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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