She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
