he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
