he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
