I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
