it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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