You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
