god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
