Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dignity is for republicans.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
