I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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