idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
