OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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