the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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