I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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