Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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