her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
