she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
