Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
