I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
