Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
