On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
