you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
