Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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