remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
