It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
