If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
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i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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