Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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