if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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