He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
