I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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