what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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