Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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