How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
