This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
