i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
