i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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