I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
