I think scott just propositioned me for sex
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
