i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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