if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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