we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
