Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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