haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
