I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
