no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She announced her abortion via fbk
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
