i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
