Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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