she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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