I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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