We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
