Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
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The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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