remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
