**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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