Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
