I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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