I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
