So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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