I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
