we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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