i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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