Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
