Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
