so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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