I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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