he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
