you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
