it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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