even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
