How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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