Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You can't motorboat a personality
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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