I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
