Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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