That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
