I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
