last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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