Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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