It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
